I mailed FINAL manuscript yesterday. That was it – all changes, all writing, all information is now locked and loaded – and unchangeable. The next time I see my words, they will be nicely wrapped in a gorgeous 4-color paperback book cover. The permanence of my words began to scare me. On the way to the post office, the uncertainty devils chased my car as I headed down the road. A mile from the “manuscript drop off point” the demon chatter started. Thoughts with talons ripped through my mind: “Did I include the best information possible? Did I write as well as I could? Will anyone buy my book?” I could not stop them, not evening playing Duran Duran scared them off.
Then I got to thinking about the last time I felt this way, it was the day I got married for the second time. I guess it’s that feeling of finality mixed with doubt. A very dangerous cocktail, my friend. That, “This is it girl!” feeling. The day of my wedding, the demons chanted rhetoric like: “Did you kiss all the boys you really wanted to kiss? Did you do all those crazy things you dreamt of doing as a sexy single? Because if you haven’t sister–it’s over.”
Oh those doubt devils, they can tear up one’s soul. If I was not fortified with some self-esteem and passion, I’d never get anything done. Doubt is big, fear is disabling, but we have the power to tell those demons to shut the hell up. I realized that perfection is not required. My book does not need to be a literary masterpiece – it’s just my personal views on travel (I do hope you buy a copy). And my marriage, just like all marriages, it’s tough, but I’ll keep on trying (and giving him kisses).
So, girl, if you have a dreams, make your dreams bigger than your doubts.
As for me, I have no regrets.