I mailed FINAL manuscript yesterday. That was it – all changes, all writing, all information is now locked and loaded – and unchangeable. The next time I see my words, they will be nicely wrapped in a gorgeous 4-color paperback book cover. The permanence of my words began to scare me. On the way to the post office, the uncertainty devils chased my car as I headed down the road. A mile from the “manuscript drop off point” the demon chatter started. Thoughts with talons ripped through my mind: “Did I include the best information possible? Did I write as well as I could? Will anyone buy my book?” I could not stop them, not evening playing Duran Duran scared them off.
Then I got to thinking about the last time I felt this way, it was the day I got married for the second time. I guess it’s that feeling of finality mixed with doubt. A very dangerous cocktail, my friend. That, “This is it girl!” feeling. The day of my wedding, the demons chanted rhetoric like: “Did you kiss all the boys you really wanted to kiss? Did you do all those crazy things you dreamt of doing as a sexy single? Because if you haven’t sister–it’s over.”
Oh those doubt devils, they can tear up one’s soul. If I was not fortified with some self-esteem and passion, I’d never get anything done. Doubt is big, fear is disabling, but we have the power to tell those demons to shut the hell up. I realized that perfection is not required. My book does not need to be a literary masterpiece – it’s just my personal views on travel (I do hope you buy a copy). And my marriage, just like all marriages, it’s tough, but I’ll keep on trying (and giving him kisses).
So, girl, if you have a dreams, make your dreams bigger than your doubts.
As for me, I have no regrets.
5 thoughts on “Regrets?”
keep keepin’ it real, Teresa!
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ” YOU ARE YOUR BEST CRITIC” IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY. I HAVE NO QUESTION IN MY MIND THAT YOUR BOOK WILL BE A SUCCESS, JUST LOOK AT YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT NOW, THERE IS NO STOPPING YOU. BESIDES YOU WROTE FROM YOUR ( RODRIGUEZ ) HEART. THAT IS CERTAINLY A BIG PLUS. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! AS I KNOW GRAMA WOULD BE TO. (KEEPING IT COMMING TERESITA)
Teresa dear,,,,these thoughts are completely normal and healthy…I can’t wait to buy your book..I hope to get it signed someday….love, tina
P.S. we met at an italian rest. in Half Moon Bay. Then we met again a few days later at the Ritz and drank entirely too much champagne!!!!!! I’ll be down the end of Sept. for a Feng Shui class and will send you an e-mail..Maybe we can meet at the Ritz again..t
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