The past few months have been rough. I’ve had two close friends pass away, and you all know about my computer. Then my cell phone died and again I lost all my phone numbers, and I just got a call from my mother that my beloved aunt is in intensive care. I’ll be driving to Sacramento tomorrow to spend the night at the hospital. Did anyone bother to tell the universe that I have a book deadline looming?
All this loss got me thinking: what do we gain from loss? And that is a tough question to answer. For me, I have gained lots of patience (I always need more) and I got a good sense of what life would be like if I just lost my identity. I really did not mind that part, except that I have a big publisher in New York who expects me to find my identity and finish a 50-chapter book by March 1.
The other thing that I gained was my ability to be more honest with people. I’m sure many of my friends would disagree, but I have a tendency of not telling people how I really feel about the situations they are in. I tend to gloss over it, even if I might have a great solution. One of the epiphanies I had was pretty powerful. I have been struggling about why some people are in my life and why they have the same problems over and over again. I keep trying to figure out the lesson that I am supposed to learn from them. Then it dawned on me–at a funeral or during a call to tech support–that it was not I that was going to receive the lesson – I was the one that was going to give it! That changed everything!
I don’t talk much about my personal healing work, because I believe that everyone needs to find a way to happiness and self-respect, but what if I found that way? I have struggled with every issue in the book-from self esteem to relationships to letting go of the past and moving forward. Perhaps I am the one who is supposed to help others find a better way of living. Instead of hiding my light, I should let it shine.
Okay, two BIG metaphors here: 1. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the light.” And he also said we were all sons of God. So maybe we are all “the truth, the way, and the light” for someone who needs us. The second is about letting your light shine. We are all cities on a hill that can guide others to a higher ground. Maybe now I am that light and I need to guide others to a higher place of existence?
Oh, and it was not just Jesus who said this stuff about light and way and truth – all the great teachers throughout the century say pretty much the same thing.
Did that all make sense, or am I becoming one of those crazy writers?